Ehud, About That Hotel Bill

By Jason Gold

Dear Ehud:

All this talk about your hotel bill has me thinking you must be feeling pretty alone out there. It seems every cabdriver in Israel reacts with road rage every time a report on your 500,000+ shekel, 100,000 shekel/day jaunt to Paris airs on the news. I mean, what is the big deal? You get invited (or did you just decide you needed a vacation from torturing the settlers?) to an “air show” in France and take a 30+ person entourage with you for a few days of fun and elite elbow-rubbing. So you have become accustomed to the good life or “la dolce vita”. After all, you are a sophisticated concert pianist who nonetheless appears tone deaf when it comes to the concerns of providing security for Israel. Yet, how does a man as head of Mercaz Ha’Avoda (Labor party), who represents Ha’poalim (the workers), in the true spirit of European socialism, act in such a bourgeoisie manner? And besides, couldn’t you come up with a better excuse than an air show? You remind of the time that President Kennedy went to France, disappeared from the public light for three days and then surfaced with a back ache that he claimed was a result of chopping wood. Now, that’s a leader of the free world!!!

Perhaps you have lost touch. You have been so busy ensuring Israel’s security by removing vital checkpoints in Yesha while at the same time banning three “dangerous” men from seeing and providing for their families in Yitzhar that it seems that this settler hatred has finally distorted your thinking to the point that you have lost your kesher or connection to the common man. I mean, come on. Surely, a sophisticate such as you must realize that the cabernet sovenion from the winery at the top of the hill in Yitzhar ranks as one of the best. Chaval, what to do? It seems you need to find a new connection and perhaps demonstrate new sensitivities to the population in Israel you blame for all the world’s ills. Perhaps at the same time you will find the mechanism needed to remove the chutzpah, the ga’ava, and the contempt for the hard-working Israeli that it took to do this. I know some folks feel pigs would fly before that happens but if a socialist-loving, cryto-Muslim with no real government experience from Chicago can get elected US president, then surely winged chazir are indeed in the air.

I would suggest the following. Like you, I enjoy a taste of la dolce vita every now and then but we all to need to stay connected with feet on the ground. So while I am in my transition to Eretz Yisrael from Chutz La’Aretz, I typically eschew the hotels as the only people staying there are the type like you that I hope to avoid. I love staying in places like Karnei Shomron where one has an absolutely perfect view of the Harei Shomron as the sun is both coming up and setting. There is a modest home there with a nice attic that boasts a comfortable bed and even air-conditioning!!!!! You can take the bed and I will use a sleeping bag on the floor. Snoring is not a problem as it would take Iran’s Revolutionary Guardsmen landing on the roof (Gd forbid) to wake me but of course I will feel completely safe with you there as there will absolutely no chance of that ever happening as you and Bibi decide where you will get the testosterone necessary to pre-empt the new Hitler of Iran. The food is great and at Pesach they make homemade matza in the oven outside. So how about it Ehud? There is no Steinway but the kids are quite musically inclined and I can always loan you my iPod. Hope this chizuk helps. Keep in touch.

Your new friend,

Yaakov.