Palestinocchio

By Moshe Feiglin

6 Cheshvan, 5771
Oct.. 15, '10

Translated from the Makor Rishon newspaper

Pinocchio to Gepetto: Who am I?

Gepetto: You are the President.

Pinocchio (astounded): The President? How can I be President? I am nothing more than a marionette!

Gepetto (angrily): We already agreed that we will speak logically and genially. If you have two legs and two arms and you call yourself "President," then you are President. Only the people who belong to yesterday dare decide for you who and what you are.

Pinocchio: I am President? President of what?

Gepetto: The President of the State of Palestinocchio. How many times do I have to explain that to you? Look - here is the flag that I hung in the living room in your honor.

Pinocchio (crying): No! No! (Kicks Gepetto with his cute stick legs).

Narrator: Pinocchio was not really the President. He wasn't even a person.

Gepetto: Ouch!

Narrator: But Pinocchio had no chance. His situation was dismal. Outside, Hamascat was waiting to throw him off the tenth floor if he would dare detach himself from the string that connected him to Gepetto's finger. Poor Pinocchio didn't know what to do. But Gepetto was determined:

Gepetto: I will give you the storage room and you will establish Palestinocchio there! Great idea!

Pinocchio (wailing): No-o-o! No-o-o!

Narrator: Because he very well knew that without Gepetto's string, he would once again be nothing more than a pile of old sticks.

Gepetto (irritated): Ok, you can also have the guest room in the cabin.

Pinocchio (pokes Gepetto in the eye): No-o-o! No-o-o!

Gepetto (hand over eye): If you end the violence and begin to speak with logic - I will give you half the living room, including Mother's candlesticks.

Narrator: Pinocchio immediately used violence, hoping that Gepetto would not keep his word. He hit, kicked and stabbed with all his might. He also shot Gepetto with the rifle that he had received from him as a sign of his good will. But nothing helped. Gepetto continued to establish the State of Palestinocchio.

Pinocchio didn't know what to do. Every time that he made a more outrageous demand, Gepetto agreed. His life at the end of the secure and comfortable string seemed shorter than ever. But suddenly, a brilliant idea formulated in his wooden head.

Pinocchio ( triumphantly): You don't exist at all!

Gepetto (angrily): Really? So who exactly is holding you at the end of the rope?

Pinocchio (smiles): It is me who is holding you! I am real and you are nothing at all. You exist only because you stole the cabin from me! I am not willing to recognize you or your right to one millimeter in this cabin - or in any other place in the world.

Narrator: Now Gepetto was in a fix. He really wanted to let go of the miserable piece of wood and to send it the way of all rubbish heaps. But Pinocchio - that nothing, discovered - albeit a bit late, but he discovered - Gepetto's deep-held secret.

Gepetto had invested his entire life in the cabin just so that he could stop being "ostracized old Gepetto". But it didn't help. Even after he built the cabin, he remained alone. Pinocchio was his last chance to escape his ostracism. If Pinocchio would only agree to live side by side with him as an equal, everybody would love him - or so Gepetto thought. He was willing to give everything to find his place among his neighbors - even to a marionette.

Gepetto (angrily): If you do not recognize my existence we will not be able to negotiate!

Narrator: And then he summarily entered negotiations.

Background noise: Exploding buses, restaurants blown into the skies, missiles on Beer Sheva and Haifa.

Narrator: Pinocchio was not concerned. As soon as he figured out Gepetto's secret, he regained his self-confidence. Now, the big bluff was clear. It made no difference how violent he was. Gepetto would always come crawling back to him. Because it was really not he attached to Gepetto's string. It was just the opposite! Pinocchio was holding the entire purpose of Gepetto's existence - and all his dreams - on his little wooden finger. Now that he had triumphantly announced that he did not recognize Gepetto's existence, there was no way in the world that Gepetto would let go of the string. For after all, Pinocchio was no longer holding on.

Gepetto attempted to get back to discussions on what Pinocchio would get. He prayed that Pinocchio would agree to take almost the entire cabin in exchange for his recognition of Gepetto's right to exist. But Pinocchio had no intention of giving up his insurance policy. For as soon as he would recognize Gepetto's right to exist, he would lose his lifeline.

Poor Gepetto. What happened next he couldn't have imagined even in his worst dreams: More and more neighbors adopted Pinocchio's position.

Neighbors (angrily): What do you mean, you are only willing to give Pinocchio the living room? If you took it from him then give it back! Who are you at all to even negotiate?

Narrator: They prohibited Gepetto from landing in London and the international court in The Hague convicted him of war crimes. Millions of termites assembled to eat his cabin and nobody at all came to help.

*

I do not know the end of the play. Perhaps it is written in the Prophets portions that we read on the holiday of Sukkot.