Dear Caroline:
There is something we need to talk about, you and me. Sometime ago in that bygone era known as the 60’s, Mel Brooks and Buck Henry created a brilliant television satire of the James Bond genre movies called “Get Smart”. Starring Don Adams as secret agent Maxwell Smart, the show spawned a rabid following for years (even as it changed networks, a move unheard of in those days) and gave birth to a number of catch phrases, such as “would you believe”, or “that’s the second biggest_________ I’ve ever seen”, “the cone of silence” and “missed it by that much” among others. The latter was usually used by Max when someone trying to escape out a window or other perilous route met their end, but not by that much of a distance.
Hello Caroline? You
and the religious right have
definitely missed
it by that much
Why am I telling this to you Caroline? No, not just because I saw the "Get Smart" movie with Steve Carell doing a poor Maxwell Smart on a recent flight to Israel. No, it's because I believe you can be the charter member of a new club that I will call the Missed It By That Much’s. You see, you typify the unique qualities of this club better than anyone here in Israel. How so? Because you are a brilliant writer who rails against the idiocy, corruption, and suicidal tendencies of the Israeli government almost better than anyone I know. And yet, you come so close but you just don’t get it in the end. For example, some time ago, you wrote a great column (“Olmert’s Parting Blows”) decrying how Israel’s leaders give away lands that were fought for and paid for in Israeli blood. Why? Because they just need to or so they believe it will lead to peace, a great legacy etc. Yes you mention them all: Barak, Sharon, Rabin and yet you also say “with the exception of Netanyahu.” Excuse me, but who was it exactly that gave up the hills in Chevron? Who is already on record as saying he is willing to make “painful concessions” for a “real” peace that will never come. Who stayed in Sharon’s government and voted for the disengagement from Gush Katif and then left the Likud (only to return) after he had stuck his finger in the air to determine which way the political winds were blowing?
Caroline, Caroline, Caroline. Your infatuation with Bibi truly blinds you. It is the worst kept secret in Israel that you are Bibi’s personal press/media relations person (I don’t even want to think about why) but it really tarnishes your stellar writing ability. Look, I make no bones about the fact that I am a Feiglinite through and through. However, I have one thing going for me that unfortunately you may never have.
It’s all about faith, Caroline. Faith in Gd. Faith in the fact that the Jews returned to Israel after two thousand years to be more than just a cheap copy of European and American glam culture. Faith that we really are different and are not meant just to be “A Place Among The Nations” as Bibi’s pseudo-Utopian vision would have us believe. For better or worse we are meant to be out in front as Gd’s duly appointed representatives on Earth. That is something that Bibi (another charter club member) and you cannot grasp. Because of that, you will never take the final step of recognizing that only a faith-based leader like Feiglin can reverse the decay in Israel. That it is Feiglin that truly stands for the Likud ideals and charter. That Bibi does not have an ounce of Likud DNA in him. Proof? If he really cared about this country, he would have marched into Livni’s office, tell her to forget the groveling in front of Shas and Yahadut HaTorah and he will bring Likud in with Bibi as finance minister, a job at which he does excel. But he can’t do that because it’s not good for Bibi. And if it’s not good for Bibi, even it is good for the country, it doesn’t happen. But don’t worry. I'm grateful Bibi didn't do this as it would have given him credibility and you justification in what you write.
By the way, you have plenty of company in the club from the dysfunctional religious right who will vote for Bibi again even as they know he will sell them out in the end and they will do the dance of bringing down the government (or not depending if the check is big enough). I always wondered which is worse; someone on the left who you really have to start from scratch with or someone like you who is almost there but can’t move any farther because they believe they are firmly planted in the right’s court. Probably the latter because I think it is easier to overturn a completely empty and flawed ideology rather than a misplaced one that both you and the religious right harbor. Missed it by that much indeed. I don't know. Maybe you all just need a little quality time with Max to put things in perspective before the upcoming Likud primaries. Personally, I think you would make a great "99". Now if we could only get Bibi to accept his role as Larabee and Olmert as Zigfried (head of KAOS, appropriate, no?) we're all set. Keep up the excellent writing and we'll talk again soon.
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